Sitting Quietly – Ways to Manage (Difficult) Feelings

This exercise in sitting quietly is about learning – and then reminding ourself – that we do in fact have choices in how we manage our feelings, especially the more troublesome ones.

Now, most of the time, we don’t even think about “managing” our emotions, for the simple reason that we have little time and likely less inclination to do so. Also, if we want to “feel better” about something, our first tendency is to do “something” that we “think” will produce a different result. And, hey, often this works…

But then there are times when we (can) become aware (mindful!) of our struggling and/or negative mood; and may even be able to identify specific reasons, or causes, for why we are reacting so. Rather than muddle through, or “hang in there” until things somehow improve, why not recognize that these ongoing moments of unpleasantness or periods of suffering are actually opportunities…

 What? Yes…opportunity!

(If new to this exercise, learn it in stages. When familiar with it, use it as self-therapy…)

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Getting started…

1. Start SQ as you usually do…and when ready, think to yourself, “When triggered, I can…”

• • Step Back – this is a learned reaction (i.e., you teach yourself how to do it); this psychological skill at least gives you a chance to engage your Rider to think about “a good, or better, response” to whatever the given situation presents.
  • Check My Beliefs – what “comes up” from the Elephant (e.g., these “difficult emotions”) is based in our core and deeply held beliefs; often we don’t really know, or have truly examined, what our beliefs are. So we can engage CBT.
  • Change My Perspective – often the dominant feelings that “come up” overshadow, or mask entirely, other reactions (emotions) that are (or could be) relevant. Try taking a different viewpoint and letting the inner lawyer argue for the opposition.
  • Accept – this is utilizing the psychological skill of Acceptance.
  • Pray – your own practice (i.e., engage in prayer as you’ve been taught, or have learned to do); or as finding strength and direction in the Serenity Prayer.
  • Talk to Someone – a trusted friend or relative; a mentor, teacher, spiritual guide; a therapist.

2. Then ask yourself, “What am I upset about?” Label (describe) the problem or triggering situation or behavior in a single statement.
   
   
3. Now engage the Observing Self perspective; look at the issue and consider the ways (that you’ve just reviewed in Step 1) it might best be handled or managed.
   
   
4. Now observe that doing this has at least two major benefits:

1) You have put distance between the problem and being caught up in it (i.e., you’re starting to engage defusion – and objectivity is often helpful), and

2) You have determined a good, maybe even best, strategy to effectively deal, or go about dealing with, it.

Concluding…

1. When you’re done with observing and have “a plan in place,” do yourself a favor and engage in at least a few 10-count reps of breathing to relax…
   
   
2. Then, try a smile (this actually has a neurological benefit)…and step calmly into the challenge that lies ahead…