Sitting Quietly – Defusion

The following is an exercise in sitting quietly that works on defusion – the psychological skill of being able to look at thoughts and feelings without being caught up in, always believing, or being ruled by them. Defusion builds on the ability to engage the Observing Self; to develop and take a less emotional, more objective perspective (when desired), and thus facilitate one’s ability to self-regulate, process feelings, or, say, utilize CBT.

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Normally our thoughts and feelings come…and our thoughts and feelings go. And there’s no need, or desire, to have (or “see”) a separation between the experiencing (of our thoughts and feelings) and the observation of them (i.e., for what they are, simply thoughts and feelings).

But, sometimes…it can be very helpful to do just that; to separate ourselves from the experience and to instead look at certain thoughts and feelings. Because, as we come to understand, some thoughts can be rather distorted, or delusional, or nonsensical – or just flat out annoying(!) – and this can get us into trouble, either (and sometimes both) emotionally or pragmatically. And some feelings can be rather painful, inappropriate, debilitating, and/or lead to so much unnecessary suffering.

In this exercise you’ll learn to “put some distance” between the thoughts/feelings you’re having and a place from which you can look at them. While you may also experience some “mental relief” in the process, that is a nice benefit but not the only goal. For it is in being able “to see them” that you will be able to figure out how to manage, change, or eliminate their effect on you. And when we’re talking about things like anger, anxiety, worry, or depression, that might be quite desirable.

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Getting started…

Start as usual (or as you usually do): Sit up and get comfortable…and continue on to “Don’t expect anything” (ref SQ-2).

1. Try at least one breath count rep to relax a little; and when you’re ready say to yourself “Okay, let’s observe,” as you prepare to engage your Observing Self perspective.

Defusion…

1. In moving your focus from the breath, identify a specific thought or feeling that you’re having. (For example, “I’m worried about ____.” Or “I’m afraid that ____.” Or “I’m angry with____.”)
2. Now take that thought/feeling and preface it with “I’m having the thought that ____.” (E.g, “I’m having the thought that…I’m worried about that math test tomorrow.”)
3. Then say it one more time but now preface it with “I notice.” (E.g., “I notice…I’m having the thought that…I’m worried about that math test tomorrow.”)
4. Now take a moment to observe how you’re “putting a little distance” between your prior experiencing of the thought/feeling and the actual thought/feeling itself.
5. Then let it go…yes, let it go and repeat this sequence with another one. (I.e., identify a thought or feeling with “I’m ____,” then “I’m having the thought that ____,” and then “I notice I’m having the thought that ____.”)
6. Then let this one go…and continue on for any number of thoughts/feelings you’d like. And each time notice the distance you can sense between looking at it without being it.

Concluding…

1. When you’re done with observing specific thoughts/feelings, think of something recent you’re grateful for in your life.
2. Then, smile to yourself (yes, actually smile!)…take in a slightly deeper breath, gently open your eyes, and bring your awareness back to your present physical space.
3. When you’re ready, step calmly into the rest of your day…