Sitting Quietly: On Well-Being…

This exercise is one to engage on a periodic basis, serving as a kind of “check-up” – or check-in – on how well one is attending to living a meaningful, productive, and rewarding life. This exercise is structured as a “mental checklist” that guides one to consider: 1) what one does (or could be doing) in promoting well-being; 2) how well one is doing (or not!); and 3) if one can identify (as in consciously acknowledge, and even maybe for the first time!) what else could, or may have, now become important and valued.

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Sit up and get comfortable – close your eyes and bring your focus to the breath for some number, say 5-to-10, or even a 10-count rep.

Now go through the following list and consider how, and to what extent, each item is part of – or could become more a part of – your life…

Positive Emotions

These are what you feel when your actions and behaviors are guided by your values and what you believe to be good, and right, and fair…

• What are things you do, or have done, that make you feel proud, competent, and confident about yourself…
• What are things you do, or have done, that make you feel loved, valued, and respected by others…
• What are things you do that bring laughter and smiles to your face…

Engagement

These are times or activities when you are truly absorbed, and committed to whatever it is you are doing [a.k.a. being “in the flow” or being “in the zone”]…it’s also something you probably appreciate only in looking back on it [like now!], or in having done it. So:

• Consider times when you were learning something new…
• Consider times when you were doing, or applying, or developing, or practicing a certain skill…
• Consider times when you were in a deep and stimulating conversation with someone…

Relationships

Surrounding yourself with valued, meaningful, and positive relationships tend to inspire, validate, and re-energize you. So:

• Who do you like to be around…and why?
• Can you remember someone in your past who you liked to be with or be around…and why that was?
• And now ask yourself if there are people in your life today who you are “around” but don’t like being so…and then, are there ways you could mitigate (i.e., lessen, soften, minimize) such negativity in your life…

Meaning

This is about serving, or being part of, something that is bigger than yourself. Eg:

• Do you nurture or engage some spiritual belief or sacred practice…
• Do you engage (or want to engage) in some activist pursuit – as, eg, in standing up for what you believe will make the world a better place…
• Are you involved in some altruistic practice – like supporting others, volunteering, or serving in/being part of some group effort to help our fellow beings…

Achievement

These are things that have given you purpose, reward, and fulfillment…and this includes even activities that are pursued only for their own sake [!]; like getting good at (and winning?) a sport, a video game, a competition; making something (even money!); accomplishing something (and maybe receiving some award). So consider:

• This may be “a re-cap” of some things you’ve already identified and considered…but now think about the intrinsic pleasure when you feel motivated…when you are proactive…or when you “failed” at something but persisted until, finally, successful…
• Because making that effort – however you find a way to do so – is what makes anything possible…
• And that well-being isn’t something you’re given…it’s something you achieve…over and over and over…

So now…take a moment to recall the Serenity Prayer, with its mentoring guidance:

Grant me the serenity…to accept the things I cannot change; grant me the courage…to change the things I can; and grant me the wisdom…to know the difference.”

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At some point on life’s journey, one may come to the realization of an existential humility – that is, a deep and daunting sense for the impermanence and fragility of life. In such contemplation, much of one’s prior conditioning, especially of the dysfunctional type, may be exposed…and made suspect. The egocentric impulse becomes appropriately compromised and one’s appreciation for life’s higher aspirations – like love, kindness, beauty, tolerance, dignity – becomes immutably sacrosanct.

Which leads to a closing thought…

“Be like the bamboo…the higher you grow the deeper you bow.”

                                                             – Chinese Proverb