A young man approaches Hillel the Elder in a nervously defiant attitude. “I will embrace Judaism,” he says, “on the condition that you can teach me the whole of the Torah while I am standing on one foot.”
Straightaway, Hillel replies:
“What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. That is the whole Torah. All the rest is commentary.”[1]
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Called the Golden Rule, its simple rendition is: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” And it is found in the ancient wisdom and all the great religions. And in most, it is also an ethical imperative.
Haidt begins with a telling of an early scene in The Godfather where Bonasera approaches Corleone, seeking “justice” against those who raped his daughter. The deep and underlying power of reciprocity is made – obliquely – when Corleone refuses to exact justice in return for the money Bonasera offers, saying, “What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you’d come to me in friendship…”
Says Haidt, “Reciprocity is a deep instinct; it is the basic currency of social life.” Bonasera, by coming round to asking the godfather “to be my friend,” uses it to buy revenge – a form of reciprocity, albeit its darker side; and Corleone uses it to manipulate Bonasera into joining his “extended family.” Reciprocity, it turns out, is one of the most powerful social mechanisms that can be engaged for influencing behavior and getting your way. But…just such a tool is also dangerous in the sense that how it is used “on others” can also be used on you!
Ultrasociality
Ultrasociality – living in large cooperative societies (like ants, bees, termites, naked mole rats, and…humans) – segues into understanding kinship – or kin altruism: a powerful inclination to support and give loyalty to one’s kin (i.e., family). No doubt part of the psychology of group identification (and what underlies nepotism, e.g.), it helps to explain that sense of obligation one feels toward kin (or why it is so hard to break away when it is broken). It is a natural, intuitive, programmed (if you will) form of reciprocity.
Yet it is more – it is “built into us” to be a social strategy in dealing with others: “Play tit for tat” (as Haidt calls it). Or, do to others what they do to you. It starts as “be nice” on the first round of interaction; but after that, do to your partner whatever your partner did to you on the previous round.
Tit for tat – which operates emotionally at the elephant level – makes us want to return favor for favor, insult for insult, tooth for tooth, an eye for an eye. Gratitude and vengeance – two sides of the same coin – make human ultrasocialty possible. (Haidt’s caveat: A person who had gratitude without [potentially] vengefulness would likely be an easy mark for exploitation.)
“The Godfather, [e.g.,] sits at the center of a vast web of reciprocal obligations and favors. Revenge for most of us is less drastic, but if you’ve worked long enough in an office, restaurant, or store, you know there are many subtle ways to retaliate against those who have crossed you, and many ways to help those who have helped you.”
Reciprocity, like love, connects us – and reconnects us – with others…
*Jonathan Haidt: The Happiness Hypothesis, 2006
[1] Why Can’t We Be Good?, Jacob Needleman, Tarcher/Penquin, 2007, pg. 4.
*footnote (if needed)
