ERM* – Awakening…

…to life’s existential (and other) truths.

Evolution, in “naturally selecting” a potentially sagacious Rider for our Elephant, has brought us to a stage where we each live and struggle within the shadows – and on some days, it may seem, the fog – of our ignorance and delusion…

Ignorance is that cognitive state of simply not knowing – which may contribute to misunderstanding, flawed reasoning, and errors in judgment…as well as making poor or harmful decisions.

Delusion is that psychological condition of having some distorted interpretation – or outright misapprehension – of one’s perceived reality or held belief.

We are born with that “blank slate” – innocent, unaware, unknowing…yet having much to learn, and far more we will never learn. We do, of course, “learn” – much of which will benefit and serve us well.  But then we also learn, depending, “stuff” that may not serve us well at all, and that may, nay will, come to limit, hurt, also damage and debilitate us. Until…and unless…we find a way “to learn better” and “to know better.”

Without realizing it – or at least not until one gets older – each of us has been, since birth, “educated” but in a way that is more accurately described as conditioned…

Conditioning is that mental process in which your mind has been trained to believe and/or do certain things – mostly good things, one would hope, but certainly not all. What “gets in there and stays” (in your Elephant) – like beliefs, skills, habits, biases – is the result of all that sensory and conceptual processing you experience, are subjected to, and practice.

Yet it’s rarely called that; rather, it goes by other names…like taught, trained, disciplined, encouraged, punished, directed, expected to, shamed, persuaded, humiliated, enticed, threatened, promised, and – in ways more disturbing – indoctrinated, brainwashed, and programmed.  What is arguably of critical importance is to become aware of – “awakened to” – how this “has made us.”  Because, coupled with our genetics (i.e, “nature”), it is all that conditioning (i.e., nurture) that makes us who we are.

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As a child, the young, vulnerable, impressionable Elephant brain has no filters or gatekeepers to manage or question the truth, validity, or relevance of what is being “taught” and communicated by adults, whether verbally or more often by their “modeling” behaviors. And the child’s Rider brain is only beginning to develop the skills and capability to consider, question, and differentiate. And so what we learn – are conditioned to believe – is mostly the consequence of our individual experience so imposed by the environment, the culture, and those adults who raise us – none of which we have had any choice in or control over.

Some of the words used above to describe conditioning may sound harsh…as intended – to emphasize the real, often detrimental nature of this daily, ongoing, experiential learning process. For while we can (and we do!) greatly benefit from conditioning, we also pay a price, and frequently a very steep one, which manifests in the form of being blind – as in unaware of or deluded – to what the reality and truth really are. Note that this conditioning per se is actually only the process of how we learn; it is of course what we learn (or fail to learn) that is important, relevant, and consequential.

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Have you ever noticed we are always looking to make sense of our world – this need fueled by curiosity and driven by emotion? As children, we learn by identifying, labeling, making connections, categorizing, and establishing some sort of cause and effect…and thus the brain’s tendency to look for patterns, to seek or “see” the familiar, and consequently to avoid or discount the dissonant. And so, too, can develop the cognitive inclination more likely to: 1) ignore, miss, or dismiss relevant data or facts; 2) eschew even the consideration of an alternative perspective, interpretation, or meaning; and 3) accept without questioning what may appear to be our “appropriate” reactions (i.e., feelings and emotions).

And while growing up, the world is found to be more complex (because it is!) and the developing brain is continually challenged to “keep figuring it out,” to try to keep making sense of it all…and so the Rider is challenged to…what!?

Here is where our upbringing, “our education,” our conditioning – is arguably pivotal. Is that Rider brain told what to learn -or- taught how to think? (This could be a lovely debate – one, the other, both? – but what is germane here is what yours – the individual you – has been…)

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Now it could be said that conditioning often acts like the magician’s trick of directing your focus to be over there while the “illusion” (actually, the reality!) is happening – in plain sight, mind you – right here!  That is, you “see” only what the magician (your conditioning) directs you to see…and you miss out, or are deluded by, what is really going on…

But arguably the most insidious consequence of conditioning is that it can enable – often in fact, promote – those self-limiting cognitive states of ignorance and delusion…which impede, cripple, and undermine our efforts to grapple with, question, examine, truly understand, and make sense out of why or what is actually, really happening in our life.

The disturbingly obvious yet sadly ironic thing about ignorance and delusion is…they can be rather difficult “to see” or to become aware of them…especially when, in fact, you are them. And so the truism that “To solve a problem, you first have to see the problem” can be particularly troublesome. Thus the primary goal of awakening is…to see clearly what is otherwise hidden, to become aware of what has previously been unknown, and to identify such deceptions that have been, well, fooling us.

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In the process of “growing up” it is our inevitable fate to be conditioned – subject to the expectations, requirements, and social constructs imposed by the culture we are born into – and thus come to rely on a certain (albeit limited) understanding of our world and “how it works.” It may be (should be!) disturbing to then realize this means the normal mode of our conscious experience is one of mostly conditioned reactions. That is, the vast majority of our reactions and behavioral responses – which include all the emotions and feelings that come up from the daily stream of experienced events – are “automatic” and, in a sense, predetermined; even, to a certain extent, rather predictable.

While there are other variables that affect what our experience of, and reaction to, a given event may be – including our mood, our physical state, and our cognitive state – the most germane element remains our conditioned understanding of how the world is and how it works (i.e., our mostly hidden and unexamined beliefs). This means that should we ever want our experience to change (and so often, of course, we do!) we must change one or more of these variables, a most influential one being what we’ve learned and come to believe from all that conditioning.

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Living in the shadows of ignorance and delusion may also tend to motivate (as in enable) avoidance and aversion behaviors. One can see the evidence for this by looking around at other people! While many are trying to live their lives by “playing the game” and in some cases appearing to succeed (by whatever measures they have likely been conditioned to believe or apply!), try to observe carefully how they are more often moving from one moment to the next, looking (many often desperately) for the next distraction, diversion, or amusement; the next drink or fix; the next text or social-media-blip; the next show or video; the next fault or complaint with others they can find, or to blame; the next sugary sweet they can have; the next craving or desire they can satisfy…all with a seemingly imperative need of having to fill every waking hour…

Why? Well, because that’s what “they think” (i.e., have been conditioned and come to believe) makes one happy or fulfilled…as too often their conditioning has so completely convinced them this is how one is supposed to live!

But, one might ask, “Conditioning or not – isn’t that what does, or at least can, make one happy?” Well, yes, it can…until, inevitably, it doesn’t.  And it’s when this doesn’t – experienced or manifest in, or as, boredom, burnout, confusion, meaninglessness, hopelessness – most often leads to some really difficult and nasty consequences; like depression, addiction, domestic violence, pathological disorders, and in the extreme suicide.

One antidote, as you might suspect (given that you’re reading this)…is to awaken…

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So as we live a life in the shadows of our conditioning, ignorance, and delusion, and inevitably come to flounder (or worse) in the “normal” or default mode of conscious experience – that being automatic, reactionary, and Elephant-driven – it would appear the deck is stacked against us in life…especially in making more than just random or serendipitous progress in such goals as self-improvement, happiness, and well-being.

And yet…there is a natural underlying motive force in our healthy essential being that tends to drive us towards these objectives; more than just the desire for pleasure or some momentary relief, we are able to imagine and conceive of something more. And thus our constant life challenge is one of what to do, how to achieve, and how to do better. It is when we awaken to such realities and possibilities that life truly becomes more interesting, hopeful, and engaging.

Some Ways We Awaken…

Some approaches that enable and promote awakening – the precursor to enlightenment and change – include:

Education:  Now wait a minute – isn’t that the culprit accused of conditioning us? Well, yes, it was…but here the meaning of education is of the volitional, “you’re seeking” kind; as opposed to the conditioning type that is prescriptive and consists of “being told or instructed.” Maybe a better label to use here instead of education would be self-development, as in the consciously directed effort to proactively question, learn, improve, develop, grow, and value oneself, one’s potential, and one’s capabilities.

Mindfulness:  One of the real advantages to this arguably overworked experiential directive to “be present” is the heightened possibility of “seeing” something one might have otherwise missed in “the normal mode of conscious awareness,” often referred to and described as “automatic mode.” Being present means, at least in part, being in a conscious state of full awareness and focus (i.e., attention) of what is going on, in-the-moment, and thus able to observe, and notice, and see whatever is happening, both familiar and…new. This enables discovery…and this is awakening.

Social Connection:  When liberated from egocentric preoccupation, the self is able to genuinely empathize, share with, and be stimulated, even inspired, by others…which often leads to a clearer understanding, comprehension, and appreciation of the human condition.

Sitting Quietly:  Introspective practices always contain the possibility of awakening. In the particular practice of meditation, one comes to understand that its all about engaging one’s mind to awaken.

Therapy:  While there are many reasons to engage in therapy, they are all more or less about change; and generally involve finding ways or strategies to see the world differently.

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At some point on the path of awakening one must come to the realization of an existential humility – that is, a deep and daunting sense for the impermanence and fragility of life. In such contemplation, much of one’s prior conditioning, especially of the dysfunctional type, may be exposed…and made suspect. The egocentric impulse becomes appropriately compromised and one’s appreciation for life’s higher aspirations – like love, kindness, beauty, tolerance, dignity – becomes immutably sacrosanct.

Which leads to a closing thought…

“Be like the bamboo…the higher you grow the deeper you bow.”

– Chinese Proverb

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*Elephant/Rider Model: The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt, 2006.