ERM* – Wrath of the Well-Intentioned…

The wrath of the well-intentioned is behavior by people who do things for (or to) others because they believe it is good, necessary, and/or justified but that results in harmful, even debilitating consequences. It is a particularly insidious cause of needless suffering because the well-intentioned person(s) cannot see – or refuse to acknowledge – that what they’re doing has been hurtful or damaging to their victim(s).

And while such wrath is commonly imposed “innocently” – i.e., sadly due to ignorance and/or delusion – often as not, the ostensibly benevolent intent of the offender(s) most likely masks an underlying motivation, generally one of self-interest and personal benefit.[2]  Disturbing to note is that the wrath of the well-intentioned is the source of far more hurt than all which is perpetrated by the conspicuously criminal.  Neither is excusable, only the latter sanctioned.

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This wrath of the well-intentioned – and the harm it imposes – has been more fully described in Schooling Scam[3] (ref section under said heading in Chapter 4), its presentation there with a focus on what happens to children when people (like parents[4], school teachers, and religious figures) attempt to “educate” and condition them for “success in life.” It’s also an example that shows how complex and difficult-to-manage this perceived “natural inclination” can be: I.e., to love, help, and support someone you care about…while instead actually doing far more harm than the good intended was meant to achieve. Other examples of this wrath include: 1) A spouse or partner trying “to improve” their mate; 2) The “supportive” friend telling you what you should do; 3) The advertiser who wants “to help you” – look better, feel better, perform better; 4) In any “justified war,” the loss of innocent lives and the misery of the wounded and displaced, their plight masked in that dehumanizing label of being “collateral damage.”

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The wrath of the well-intentioned can be a most pernicious kind of manipulation. For when people believe they are acting out of noble, altruistic, or charitable intentions, sincerely believing they are doing so for the benefit of the person they’re trying to “help,” they can too easily slip into delusion. Thus are they unlikely to think critically about what other outcomes their efforts might also effect. They “see” only their objective; and because it is good it is therefore sufficiently justified.[5] Questioning their motives or challenging their methods almost always results in some fervent defense, approaching (and too often achieving) the self-righteous attitude and manner. 

Now…we are all vulnerable and subject to engaging in such behavior…but that doesn’t mean it’s inevitable or unavoidable. One approach to preventing such needless suffering is that learned response of asking: ”What’s the downside here?”

Because doing so whenever some loving or altruistic desire strikes may inform such inclination, mitigating the negative while promoting the truly helpful positive.

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[2] Note this can usually be detected in the rationalization offered by “the do-gooder” as they attempt – or are challenged – to explain or defend their actions and behavior.

[3] Schooling Scam by Jeffrey Hohl, 2010, pp. 41-44.

[4] The recent tiger mom phenomenon is a more extreme version of this wrath; put simply, they’re monsters.

[5] Even more potentially debilitating are those in positions of authority and/or responsibility; they believe they not only have the right but the obligation as well!

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*Elephant/Rider Model: The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt, 2006.