ERM* – THE Psychological Skill: Sitting Quietly

It is a truism to say that “developing one’s cognitive abilities can be quite helpful in making positive, directed, workable, and lasting changes in your life.” For otherwise – and too often regrettably – the changes that do occur are arbitrary (either serendipitous or adverse) and subject more to “those capricious winds of fate and fortune.”

Yet to actually achieve or carry out any real and lasting change(s) we’d like to make in ourselves – e.g., become less anxious, more joyful, less critical, more caring, happier, etc – it turns out we have to change what’s in our Elephant; that is, the beliefs, habits, convictions, delusions, and trauma that reside there. Because…it’s the Elephant – and what it has “down there” to work with – that is constantly creating our emotional reactions to anything and everything. These are manifest in the feelings we have…and have to live with.

But our Elephant can seem rather stubborn and at times appear very difficult to change…or (in ERM parlance) “re-train.” Things like insight, revelation, and desire are simply not enough to effect lasting and enduring change. They may be good starting points that help to motivate, but the Elephant has a long history…and tends to be obstinate and set in its ways. (This can be easily confirmed when considering one’s own prior attempts to make lasting change in personal habits and behaviors.[1])

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Jonathan Haidt, in his presentation of the Elephant/Rider Metaphor[2], identifies three ways to potentially and proactively change the Elephant: 1) meditation, 2) CBT[3], and 3) using Prozac (his catch-all for some form of pharmacological intervention[4]).  With each of these is where the psychological skill of sitting quietly  – that is, introspection with minimal external distraction – is used and can be very helpful in effecting real, durable, and desired change in our Elephant.[5]

And sitting quietly (SQ) – which is also manifest in, or as, mindfulness, prayer, reflection, respite, chilling, taking time out, collecting, noticing, or centering – can be adapted and applied in rather flexible ways.  In the ERM specifically, it is used by the Rider to help in directly “working with our Elephant” to identify, implement and effect desired change.[6]

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SQ can be as simple as finding a quiet spot, sitting comfortably, closing your eyes, and…

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…or SQ can be engaged by going for a walk – as sitting is not the only way one can find a place[7] to experientially detach from all the external demands, responsibilities, and obligations of normal daily living…

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…or SQ can be engaged in any of the exercises listed under Sitting Quietly (see dropdown SQ listing above).

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And, by the way, an introduction to sitting quietly can be found here.

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[1] Why don’t diets work? Why are New Year’s resolutions chronically broken? Why can’t one quit smoking, drinking, criticizing, worrying, cheating, yelling…? “Why can’t I change and be more like…?”

[2]The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt, 2006.

[3] Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), is one of many “formal” therapeutic strategies that can work to permanently change how one’s world is perceived, understood, and managed. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is another; and many ERM skills are derived from these therapeutic practices. See ACT Made Simple, Russ Harris, 2009.

[4] Medication works by altering brain chemistry, and lasts so long as it continues to be taken. While potentially helpful and effective, taking medications may also result in other troublesome symptoms [i.e., “side effects”], as well as subsequent difficulties when cessation for any reason becomes necessary. That is not to argue that pharmacological treatment shouldn’t be used – “meds” can be [often very] helpful and effective in the given context; but attendant risks do exist and should be considered in any decision to use them.

[5] Meditation is itself one form of sitting quietly. Self-directed CBT is best utilized in undistracted contemplation and analysis. And the effects of medication should be empirically validated and articulated, which is often best realized in moments of quiet reflection.

[6] If and when so inclined to learn, or further develop, this skill, start here. Other “benefits” of SQ are described in Why Sitting Quietly.

[7] Where one can be isolated or insulated from normal ambient stimulation…like electronics (phone, computer, tablet, TV, radio, etc), other people, or other visual-aural (i.e., seeing, hearing) distractions.

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*Elephant/Rider Model: The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt, 2006.