ERM*: Defusion

Defusion is the psychological skill of being able to look at your thoughts and feelings – without being caught up in, always believing, or being ruled by them.

This is not the skill to engage when “in-the-moment” of intense or seemingly overwhelming emotion – that is, when you are reacting “in real time” to what is happening now; for that, see Step Back. Diffusion is used, instead, as a self-regulating skill in processing one’s reaction to events that are (usually) painful or fearful or in some way debilitating.

Defusion can be viewed in one sense as the opposite of avoidance and more as one of confrontation – as a skill that doesn’t stop the pain or fear but rather can help mitigate the intensity and duration of one’s reaction to the event, i.e., the feelings and the thoughts that follow.

For as we come to understand, some thoughts can be rather distorted, or delusional, or nonsensical – and this can get us into trouble, either (and sometimes both) emotionally or pragmatically. And, some feelings can be rather painful, inappropriate, debilitating, and/or lead to so much unnecessary suffering.

Normally our thoughts and feelings come…and our thoughts and feelings go. We are in being mode, and there’s no need or desire to have or “see” a separation between the experiencing (of those thoughts and feelings) and the observation of them (i.e., for what they are, really just thoughts and feelings). But, sometimes…it can be very helpful to do just that; to separate ourselves from “the experience of” and to instead look at certain thoughts and feelings.

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While it can be difficult to separate oneself from the thoughts and feelings one is having, it is possible to engage – at least to some degree – a different perspective or viewpoint which can be helpful, even crucial, in processing difficult experiences, trauma, and events. Click here for a sitting quietly exercise in learning how to defuse from troublesome thoughts or painful feelings, and which can help in facilitating problem-solving and acceptance skills.

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*Elephant/Rider Model: The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt, 2006.