ERM* – When the Rider Leads…

One of the most useful – and possibly disturbing – insights and appropriate applications of the ERM is in realizing that usually the Elephant leads and the Rider follows…

You might ask (and should!), “Wait a minute; how can this be? How is it that my Elephant – that is, my sub-conscious (with all that stuff I’m not even aware of) – is more often the one steering and leading me through my day? Then what the hell is my Rider doing?”

Well, it turns out the Rider can lead, but is usually busy with other – and sometimes more appropriate – things…

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It is important to first recognize that yes, it is the Rider’s job to ultimately control our behavior. But then…isn’t that what the Rider is always doing? Well, actually no! Most of the time, the Rider is accepting unconditionally (that is, without questioning, or considering the consequences) what the Elephant has come up with. This is best understood as reacting…to whatever the stimulating or triggering event(s) might be (e.g., seeing someone; a word, picture, or smell that reminds us of food; an argument, or potential threat; something we see we want to buy). Most of our behaviors are, in fact, reactions – actually this is most often precisely what we want…or think we want – and this is why it is really our Elephant that is more often doing the leading…

We may be more familiar, perhaps, with those moments when our Rider should step in and lead but is struggling with our Elephant – i.e., when we want to do something and know we shouldn’t; or vice versa. For example, we want that second helping, or that new gadget we can’t afford, or that cigarette, or that drink, or to slap that person silly…here the Rider struggles – and appropriately so. Sometimes, and usually more often than not, the Rider does step in (i.e., leads) and makes a good decision…but then, well, sometimes not. (Ever had regrets?)

It’s also worth noting that there are times when the Rider doesn’t have control of our behavior. Think of 1) reflexive reactions, or 2) when we’re emotionally hyper-escalated. In the first, it’s all the Elephant, and the Rider is neurologically bypassed; in the second, it’s all the Elephant but the Rider is negligently bypassed (i.e., we’ve likely been irresponsible, or at least insensible to the better angels of our nature). And then 3) there are times, for example in the throes of addiction, when the Elephant is just too damn big to control…and we’ll go its way, even if that proves harmful as it often does.

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Now, there are times when our Rider can lead – and should lead; these are in determining who we are and what we want to become (e.g., the enduring existential questions), or when we feel the need to change (which often happens). This capability comes into its full potential in late adolescence, when autonomy is realized (more or less) and the brain is nearing full development.

The challenge – or problem – is that by this time, the Elephant has had a whole lot of input, influence, and training; in other words, a lot of conditioning has already occurred! Experiences (including trauma), beliefs, values, habits, memories, and lots of useless baggage have been programmed and stored…yet this is the grist of what the Elephant (i.e., you!) has to work with.

So when you feel the weight of anxiety, depression, or boredom, it’s likely a sign you need to work on – and with – your Elephant. With the Rider’s help, your Elephant (i.e., you!) will change – for it can always be trained (or re-trained), healed, and nurtured.

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Your Elephant and Rider are a team; change is something they (you!) must do together…

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*Elephant/Rider Model: The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt, 2006.