CBT*: Why We Learn…

(or sometimes why we don’t)

There are two primary reasons – or motivators – to learn: You want to or you have to.[1] Wanting to learn is of course a desire and arguably the best kind of incentive. Having to may be perceived as motivating as well, and thus serve to fuel whatever attendant effort may be required to do so. But then sometimes that pressure of “having to” can turn against the objective and become, shall we say, a “de-motivator.”

Learning for babies, toddlers, and young children is almost entirely of the want to kind. This is easily seen as natural and intentional. Learning to stand, to walk, to talk, to play, even to be silly seems obviously desirable and rewarding. Note that there is also, however, some learning during this period that is more of the have to kind (e.g., how and what [or what not] to eat; or, say, toilet training).

Early childhood brings on an ever increasing number of these have to types of learning, especially when starting school and beginning to experience the social milieu of expectations and challenges. These learning requirements may be challenged (e.g., apparent misbehavior, acting out, tantrums) but are rarely questioned; the Rider capacity for critical thinking is only just beginning to develop.

But then there is a third “reason” why we learn…and that is because one can’t choose not to.

Put a slightly different way, one cannot avoid the learning involved in one’s daily experience of the world; and which includes, of course, exposure to the behavior of others. This is also the kind of learning that results in conditioning – here defined as beliefs unconsciously developed to explain and “make sense of” how the world works.

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Actually, this process – this conditioned learning – is, along with your genetics, the major factor in what makes you you. Consider that this conditioning:

• Is what forms your core beliefs (about oneself, the world, and the future);
• Is an ongoing process (you do change over time…);
• Generally operates (i.e., “is carried out”) in the subconscious mind (and is thus mostly “hidden” from our daily awareness);
• Is poorly understood or even realized (if it is at all) by most human beings; and
• Is primarily responsible for the things you may want to change about yourself (e.g., your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, self-image…).

The takeaway: If you want to change, you’ll have to confront and deal with your conditioned self.

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[1] Sometimes “need” is a better word to use in the have to category of learning. One may have to learn is usually descriptive of an external authority providing some reason to acquire knowledge or skill. One may need to learn something that is a self-imposed requirement but falls short of wanting to do so.