ERM*: Why Sitting Quietly Works…

Sitting quietly – that is, finding a quiet spot to sit comfortably with minimal external distractions to divert one’s attention from focusing on internally mindful efforts – is a very useful skill to have, and then to further develop. In the ERM, it is used in a variety of ways – utilizing different practices, methods, and issues – to recognize one’s beliefs, problem-solve, and ultimately to train (or re-train) the Elephant. For it is what our Elephant has[1] that is used to “create” our reactions, emotions, feelings, and moods.[2]

Now it seems most people have never learned how to sit quietly; that is, in ways that are enjoyable, meaningful, helpful, or beneficial. We have been taught many things, but being quiet – even when we were told to “be quiet” – is not one that usually came with instruction. Instead one “learned” to muddle through such imposed restriction, likely entangled with feelings of anger, resentment, confusion, or frustration. Even more sadly, many people today have become conditioned – primarily through turning to instantly available distraction[3] at the first inkling of mental discomfort (e.g., anxiety, boredom, “fear of missing out”) – and now find they can’t sit quietly with their thoughts and feelings, it being too painful or uncomfortable to do so.

And yet, it turns out that this “simple” practice of consciously taking time out – that is, being awake, aware, and inner directed – from the “normal” mode of daily experience is, or can be, one of the most meaningful and beneficial ways of enabling well being, empowering desirable change, and being mindful. However, to “sit quietly” can take a little effort…and effort “must be found” in desire. And so, understanding “why it works” may augment such motivation…

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First, sitting quietly works because it enables self-examination free from distraction. This is the mental environment where one’s psychological skills can be brought most effectively to bear on changing the Elephant. This is what makes real and durable self-improvement possible, and, in whatever form it manifests, is always to the good – whether one feels happier, or less stressed, or more productive, or less worried, or more confident …

And sitting quietly works because it enables discovery and insight. Discovery is finding out something new – as in “for the first time” – and here it is something specifically about you, or something you may come to find important. And, one finds, the older one gets the more precious such findings become. Insight is that incredible “Ah” of connection, of seeing a new relationship between things or of making sense of something previously not, or only poorly, understood. It can be, or be the precursor to, change – not that of arbitrary fate…but of your proactive Rider.

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So here again, “if you’ve never been taught, or discovered, the powerful skills and rewards of sitting quietly, it’s something you might consider learning how to do, given the rather significant benefits it provides.” One can start with One Way of Sitting Quietly…

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[1] Our beliefs, values, memories, and all the mostly unprocessed (and possibly harmful) trauma, feelings, and impressions we carry from childhood experience. All this is what the Elephant “uses” to “come up with” our reactions…

[2] Like consciousness [in the Rider], this activity of generating emotions (i.e., reactions) by the Elephant is not scientifically well understood…yet; they both remain “mysteries” and thus challenges for mankind to “figure out.” But…this brain function of producing feelings (e.g., the fight or flight response) developed – evolutionarily speaking – in the Elephant long before the Rider’s other abilities did (like analyzing, creativity, and problem-solving, or the advent of language).

[3] “Smartphones,” tablets, or any available screen media…

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*Elephant/Rider Model: The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt, 2006.